Journal

So far I have done a couple of research on what media I should use to make my final product. I’m definitely going to make an artwork, of a kind that I should decide very soon. For a week or so I was determined to making a sculpture of the pink crossed ribbon which is the symbol of breast cancer and is used to create breast cancer awareness.

Here was my plan for the final product as of this morning: I first have to get to know these women and not just interview them but actually have a real conversation. The challenge for me here is to be able to make them trust me by telling me all their feelings about suffering breast cancer. The time I have with these women is not a lot. I only have about a month or two with them and then I have to move on to focusing on my final product. I was thinking of building that sculpture by firstly using cardboard, crumpled news papers, wires, and tape to just create the outline of the sculpture. Once I have that done, then I can cover the model with loads of gypsum. By the time the gypsum dries, I will start painting and adding special symbolic drawing, photographies and etc. Basically the main idea is to create a sculpture that tells the story of these sufferers, emotionally.

I had a chance to chat with Pak Benny today. I was telling him everything I had in my mind about the gypsum sculpture and the getting to know women with breast cancer. He said to me that personal project may seem as just another assignment in grade 10 and that’s easy for everyone because they can do whatever they want and by the time grade 10 ended, they won’t have to deal with it anymore. For most people it’s just something they HAVE to do. Not something they are fully interested in and WANT to do. When I told him about my topic and my whole idea, he told me that gypsum won’t last very long. Since my topic is creating awareness about something that’s going on worldwide and still will be a problem until they find a cure for it, this final product of mine should be for the future too. It should be able to aware the future women/men about breast cancer and if gypsum is going to fall apart, how will my final product affect the future? Pak Benny suggested that I do a photography essay.

If you can create a photography essay that tells a story of these women lives and put it together as one, it will be beautiful. (Kharismana, 2012)

The photography essay will contain pictures of these women pouring out their hearts. Pictures that are not valued from it’s technicality but from it’s subject. We were daydreaming about pictures of these women crying while telling their stories to me, but that will be extremely hard. The women might get offended if their pictures are taken during a heart-to-heart conversation with me, a 10th grader. I really liked the idea Pak Benny gave me. There was so many things that we talked about and the most important one being my ability to get these women to trust me in a short period of time. Pak Benny said that that’s the challenge of photography essay. Photography essay is more to feeling rather than pictures. The photos needs to convey a clear message. From there, I searched more of the types of awareness I can do.

Now from looking at all the breast cancer awareness activities that had been done in Indonesia, I can conclude that they’re not really making the healthy women aware that this disease could cause so many sufferings and can hit them at any time. Sufferings not only suffered by the women but also by their surroundings. Besides, breast cancer can be genetical too. There’s really nothing that Indonesia had done to increase breast cancer awareness. Even if they have done it, they mostly take it from the pathological side. Which won’t mean anything to these Indonesians, especially those with low education. These people needs to be approached emotionally. The audience must know how much it hurts for the sufferers, how much it bothers them at night, how basically everything that was good in their lives changed instantly, how they might lose everything, how embarrassing it is to only have one breast functioning well, etc. Mostly the audience needs to know how much it hurts for these women to think that one day they might leave their loved ones in a sudden. Breast cancer crushed some dreams of women, that’s something very painful to go through and I think it shouldn’t happen to any women. Whether some women might be going through depression and dying doesn’t seem too bad for them, still, they shouldn’t support breast cancer just because it might help with their depression. This is something serious. Something rather personal for me and I know it’s going to be so hard to meet these women and interact with them. But my goal is to be able to conversation with them, the way I would have a conversation with my mom.

I’m worried though, about one thing, the pictures. How will I get all these pictures of deeply emotional women with breast cancer? What if they get offended and suddenly stop trusting me? I am even questioning myself, will I be able to control my emotions? What if I cried while they’re telling me these stories? How will I continue it from there?

As of right now, I have quite a clear idea of what I want to do in the end but the process of getting to know these women isn’t going so well. I went to Brawijaya hospital earlier today and found out they only have a community of women suffering from cervix cancer. I have to find other hospitals, possibly Rumah Sakit Dharmais which is so far away from my house. Rumah Sakit Harapan Kita might also have a community for women with breast cancer but it is also far away from my house. I really need to go there though, as soon as possible. So far I only have one friend whose mom suffered from breast cancer but I haven’t got any information because I don’t want to force him into this. This is something very personal and I’m taking it very slow with these women. I just hope I’ll be able to find a community who would welcome me.

I am actually freaking out right now.

Bibliography

Kharismana, Benny. Personal Interview. 25 July 2012.